I guess this is relapse. I saw the movie "I Nobody" today, and I was in tears towards the climax, when Ashokan's wife explains that Prithviraj's kid's reaction to that state was not normal, that it's not meant to be like this and when she reminds him why it is so... It broke something inside me. It broke the layers I have built upon my heart to not feel the same amount of pain anymore. Then I saw her, in that kid's eyes, that same brown eyes and Ig I saw her when she was a kid ig ? I don't know if this make sense to anyone but her, and I don't wanna make it obvious to anyone but her, I hope you get to watch that movie and maybe see what I saw in her eyes with those brown eyes of yours once again.
I started taking my mom and grandma to the movies recently. We used to go to the movies occasionally, when all the stars align and when the gang's back together. Idk if they are really into it or not, I refuse to listen but have told them every month from now, we are gonna watch at-least 3 movies per month. started off with Mollywood times, then Balan, Chinna chinna aasai and now Yesterday we saw I Nobody. Balan was brutal, I saw many instagram influencers writing long notes on how some of them went and watched this with their mothers and that was once in a lifetime experience, and Ig my mom also really loved the movie and ig as a single mom, she was able to relate to that mom's struggles.
After watchin' balan I felt, "Never in my life I imagined that I'd side with a brown eyed woman who constantly lie, make fool of the ones that love an care about her and hurts them by abandoning them at the time they least expect it", But I did for balan's mom. And yea, ik even tho the skeptics will ask me why'd I trust her with anything... I still choose to believe that the one she put under that "Vaazha" gave her enough reason to do everything that she've done. It's a hard pill to swallow... and It makes all my action an evil one and all the stones that I threw heavier, But I don't know. I'm lost... my brain knows that I've forever lost my access to those eyes that shine on me, the ones that once reflected golden in the morning sun and I patiently waited to see open to see the bright of a new day.
But as I see these eyes that shows the haunting of love that eventually ended up hurting more than it ever relieved, I relapse, I slip I forget that this really is my reality. I wish if it were just another nightmare and once I open my eyes everything will just be back to normal like how it used to be that you'd be there to see who wins the morning, and if you do end up reading this far, I miss you, and Idk how to fix it. And the world will forever call me a loser for it, and as the world don't know me I'm sure the closest of my friends definitely will.
But again it's the biggest joke ever told ig ?? Satan who fell for Jesus... Doomed from the start...
PS: that kid from I nobody's eyes ain't even brown...